moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
