you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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