I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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