i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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