i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
