so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
