i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this just has baby written all over it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
