1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
