just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
