I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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