Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
