You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
