seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
