Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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