He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
