I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
