News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
