I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
