I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
