I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
