My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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