I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
