If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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