i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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