She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
