If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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