I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
