He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
