I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
