Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
