Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
