When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
