Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
