I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont even know how to be here
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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