And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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