Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
