we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are a genius and a whore.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
