If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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