"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
