dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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