handjob tips. give me some.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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