Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't deserve a penis
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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