White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
