chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
