i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
