I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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