I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
