we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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