So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
