I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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