You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
